Uncomfortable movie/TV summaries!
300: Gays kill blacks.
8 MILE: White man successfully coopts black culture to impress other whites.
A CIVIL ACTION: Underqualified lawyer doesn’t listen to clients, royally botches case.
BATMAN: Wealthy man assaults the mentally ill.
BEOWULF: Colonists hire assassin to drive natives from land.
BLADE: Obsessed loner stalks minority group.
BLADE RUNNER: Man with no apparent skill stumbles into escaped robots, fails to kill most, fucks one.
BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER: Teenage serial killer destroys town in fit of semi-religious fervor.
CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY: Deranged pedophile big-business industrialist tortures and mutilates young children.
CONAN THE BARBARIAN: Petty thief murders religious leader.
DAREDEVIL: Blind man pisses off crime boss, gets all his girlfriends killed.
DARK KNIGHT RETURNS: Aging sadist corrupts, endangers minor, facilitates murder, destroys superhero comic books for 30 years.
DIE HARD: Dysfunctional cop saves marriage by murdering foreign national. DOCTOR WHO: Elderly man serially abducts young women.
DONNIE DARKO: Hallucinating teen crushed by airplane engine.
E.T.: Out-of-control pet causes mayhem, sadness.
FALLING DOWN: Life is difficult for white men.
FANTASTIC FOUR: Scientist exposes friends, family to dangerous radiation to assuage ego, becomes embroiled in rivalry with former roommate.
FRANKENSTEIN: Scientific advancement proves unpopular with general public.
GHOSTBUSTERS: Unemployed college professors destroy hotel with nuclear weapons.
GLADIATOR: Convict murders head of state.
IRON MAN: Alcoholic rich white man with technology fetish goes vigilante.
WAR MACHINE: Alcoholic rich white man gives weapons to black man.
KARATE KID: Boy gains acceptance through violence.
KILL BILL: Irresponsible mother wants custody of her child.
LORD OF THE RINGS: Midget destroys stolen property.
O BROTHER WHERE ART THOU: Southern musicians encounter massive flooding and government incompetence.
OCEAN’S ELEVEN: Gang of career criminals commit act of terror to facilitate robbery and romance.
PREDATOR: American military-industrial complex ruins first contact with alien life.
PRIDE AND PREJUDICE: Woman with gold-digging mother nags wealthy man into marriage.
RAMBO III: The United States provides arms, equipment and training to the terrorists behind 9/11.
ROBIN HOOD: Disgruntled veteran protests taxes.
ROBOCOP: Female officer’s incompetence leads partner to be murdered and enslaved by corporation.
ROCKY: White man beats black man.
SCARFACE: Immigrant finds running his own business stressful, dangerous.
SPIDER-MAN: Nerd gets bitten by spider, complains about how this ruins his life for years to come.
STAR TREK: Over-sexed officer routinely places crew in danger.
STAR TREK THE MOTION PICTURE: Meglomaniac can’t let go of past glory, drives successor to suicide.
STAR WARS: A NEW HOPE: Religious extremist terrorists destroy government installation, killing thousands.
STAR WARS: EMPIRE STRIKES BACK: Boy is abused by midget, kisses sister, attempts patricide.
STAR WARS: RETURN OF THE JEDI: Handicapped mass murderer kills septugenarian, is lauded.
TERMINATOR: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.
THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE UGLY: Nameless drifter kills American soldier over stolen money, hangs friend.
THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST: Mel Gibson fulfills fantasy of showing a Jew beaten to a bloody pulp and killed on-screen.
TITANIC: Crazy old widow disregards lifelong memories of husband, children, and grandchildren in favor of that one time she fucked a bum.
TOP GUN: Pilot routinely endangers Air Traffic Controllers.
WALL-E: Obsolete robot disrupts big business, disrupts lives of millions of innocent civilians.
WIZARD OF OZ: Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first person she meets and then teams up with three strangers to kill again.
THE SIXTH SENSE: Dead psychiatrist haunts child to come to terms with own mortality.
THE DARK KNIGHT: Rich man, clown, and lawyer attack Italians, Russians, and Chinese.
ROCKY: Lifelong loser loses on a bigger stage than usual.
USUAL SUSPECTS: Murderer denies guilt, is released.
THE SIXTH SENSE: Oh, I’m Dead.
INTO THE WILD: Young man gives up higher education to die alone in Alaska.
FORREST GUMP: Mentally handicapped man learns that doing everything everyone tells you to do will get you everywhere in life.
ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND: Brain damage brings lovers together.
SHAUN OF THE DEAD: Man stabilizes relationship at cost of many lives.
AMERICAN HISTORY X: Right-wing militant changes views after homosexual experience.
THE X-FILES: Competent, ambitious woman held back in her career advancement by male co-worker.
THE MATRIX: Computer geek quits his job to spend more time playing a superhero in an online game.
PRETTY WOMAN: Hooker becomes trophy wife.
DIE HARD: Reckless behavior of off-duty cop risks lives of entire office building. Unfortunately he keeps his badge.
CAPTAIN AMERICA: Performance-enhancing substance helps man reach full potential.
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: Pirates motivated by sense of freedom and adventure; rape, pillage, and murder secondary motivations.
THE FRESH PRINCE OF BEL AIR: Black butler learns what America’s ‘equality’ really entails.
BACK TO THE FUTURE: Son sets up Mother with her stalker.
XENA, WARRIOR PRINCESS: Endless road trip leads one member of lesbian duo to commit suicide.
THE LITTLE MERMAID: Nymphomaniac girl temporarily succeeds in mad quest to pry her legs apart.
I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER: Fisherman seriously injured, later killed by delinquents.
SCOOBY DOO: Drug user, dog, and accomplices on traveling campaign of random harassment.
SEX & THE CITY: Three hookers & their mom judge men superficially.
HAPPY GILMORE: Nation warms to violent golfer.
BATMAN BEGINS: Cinematographer forgets to light set. Audience fails to notice.
SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION: Convicted murderer drives prison warden to suicide and steals life savings.
THE NEGOTIATOR: Man being framed for a crime believes that laws regarding kidnapping, extortion and destruction of property don’t apply to him.
CASINO ROYALE: Compulsive gambler is exploited for gain by the British government, then pursued and murdered over his gambling debts.
THE ITALIAN JOB: Mini Copper commercial.
SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE: Woman leaves wealthy partner for man about to become even wealthier.
50 FIRST DATES: Woman is cruelly reminded of tragic past by sadistic family on a daily basis.
BEETHOVEN: Dog complies with stereotype.
LASSIE: Dog complies with stereotype.
HE-MAN: Half naked man beats up a corpse.
HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER: Narcissist boasts to children about past sexual conquests.
WORLD OF WARCRAFT: Characters commit hate crimes against people of other races, are rewarded for doing so.
I didn’t write these, just got them in a mail forward. Oh, and there are a few repeats in there.
Just came across your blog, this is funny stuff! loved the post above as well, thanks for posting!
I’m glad that your stay on my blog was enjoyable
This is really nice Blog.Please tell us more details!..its quite interesting i appreciate your work.Thanks for the sharing.Shangrila Murree