The Bolivians…

These past few weeks have been intense, to say the least.

Firstly, just as this month began, my brother suffered an attack of pancreatitis. Then, as he recovered, a week later, it came back again — and he was back in the hospital. Secondly, work has been a nothing short of a tornado vomit of tight deadlines and obtuse clients. I wish I could just sit at home and write. That’s it. Write for the web, write for newspapers, write for myself. At the same time, I have responsibilities that I can’t just drop and do what I want to do the most.

Everyday, I am reminded that I am in my father’s shoes now. From the daily driving I have to do, to taking care of my family, my mind is constantly buzzing. There’s simply no room left for writing. Is this what my Dad’s mind was like? Constantly worried about each and everyone of us? The stories come, the words come, they all come and then they have to go. Standing room only. Please vacate the premises immediately.

I can only be selfish in my mind, not in real life. Nope. Can’t do that. Never.

It’s the third day my brother’s in hospital, for the second time. I will do whatever it takes to make sure he doesn’t come back here again. Even if that means I don’t have to write a single word, think of a story, ever again.

A quote from Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid comes to mind. “You know, for a minute there, I thought we were in trouble.”

It’s been a while…

For a blogger, I’m probably one of the laziest ones around. I haven’t done much. So I just wanted to type that and get an entry out of the way so that I can continue to laze around and work. If that’s ok with y’all. Have a nice day now.

Some say I am sweety.

Please listen to the lyrics in their entirety. Especially ladies; you might learn a thing or two. Take it away…

We’re the champions, there’s no time for losers, sorry India!

Thank you to Abdul Razzaq, Younis Khan, Misbah-ul-Haq, Fawad Alam, Umar Gul, Saeed Ajmal, Mohammad Aamer,Shoaib Malik, Shahid Afridi, Shahzaib Hasan, Kamran Akmal. For one shining moment, these men united a nation. Pakistan Zindabad!!!

A letter of leave…

This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places in India…

1. Infosys, Bangalore: An employee applied for leave as follows: Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.

2. This is from Oracle Bangalore: >From an employee who was performing the “mundan” ceremony of his 10 year old son: “As I want to shave my son’s head, please leave me for two days..”

3. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter’s wedding: “As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week’s leave..”

4. From H.A.L. Administration dept: “As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave.”

5. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows: “Since I’ve to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave”

6. An incident of a leave letter “I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday.”

7. A leave letter to the headmaster: “As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today”

8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster: “As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day.”

9. Covering note: “I am enclosed herewith…”

10. A candidate’s job application: “This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ‘ Typist and an Accountant – Male or Female’…As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.

11. Actual letter written for application of leave: “My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave”.

12. Letter writing: – “I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well.”

13. A gem: “Dear Sir: with reference to your above, please refer to my below…”

Again, from a mail forward I got.

Uncomfortable movie/TV summaries!

300: Gays kill blacks.

8 MILE: White man successfully coopts black culture to impress other whites.

A CIVIL ACTION: Underqualified lawyer doesn’t listen to clients, royally botches case.

BATMAN: Wealthy man assaults the mentally ill.

BEOWULF: Colonists hire assassin to drive natives from land.

BLADE: Obsessed loner stalks minority group.

BLADE RUNNER: Man with no apparent skill stumbles into escaped robots, fails to kill most, fucks one.

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER: Teenage serial killer destroys town in fit of semi-religious fervor.

CHARLIE AND THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY: Deranged pedophile big-business industrialist tortures and mutilates young children.

CONAN THE BARBARIAN: Petty thief murders religious leader.

DAREDEVIL: Blind man pisses off crime boss, gets all his girlfriends killed.

DARK KNIGHT RETURNS: Aging sadist corrupts, endangers minor, facilitates murder, destroys superhero comic books for 30 years.

DIE HARD: Dysfunctional cop saves marriage by murdering foreign national. DOCTOR WHO: Elderly man serially abducts young women.

DONNIE DARKO: Hallucinating teen crushed by airplane engine.

E.T.: Out-of-control pet causes mayhem, sadness.

FALLING DOWN: Life is difficult for white men.

FANTASTIC FOUR: Scientist exposes friends, family to dangerous radiation to assuage ego, becomes embroiled in rivalry with former roommate.

FRANKENSTEIN: Scientific advancement proves unpopular with general public.

GHOSTBUSTERS: Unemployed college professors destroy hotel with nuclear weapons.

GLADIATOR: Convict murders head of state.

IRON MAN: Alcoholic rich white man with technology fetish goes vigilante.

WAR MACHINE: Alcoholic rich white man gives weapons to black man.

KARATE KID: Boy gains acceptance through violence.

KILL BILL: Irresponsible mother wants custody of her child.

LORD OF THE RINGS: Midget destroys stolen property.

O BROTHER WHERE ART THOU: Southern musicians encounter massive flooding and government incompetence.

OCEAN’S ELEVEN: Gang of career criminals commit act of terror to facilitate robbery and romance.

PREDATOR: American military-industrial complex ruins first contact with alien life.

PRIDE AND PREJUDICE: Woman with gold-digging mother nags wealthy man into marriage.

RAMBO III: The United States provides arms, equipment and training to the terrorists behind 9/11.

ROBIN HOOD: Disgruntled veteran protests taxes.

ROBOCOP: Female officer’s incompetence leads partner to be murdered and enslaved by corporation.

ROCKY: White man beats black man.

SCARFACE: Immigrant finds running his own business stressful, dangerous.

SPIDER-MAN: Nerd gets bitten by spider, complains about how this ruins his life for years to come.

STAR TREK: Over-sexed officer routinely places crew in danger.

STAR TREK THE MOTION PICTURE: Meglomaniac can’t let go of past glory, drives successor to suicide.

STAR WARS: A NEW HOPE: Religious extremist terrorists destroy government installation, killing thousands.

STAR WARS: EMPIRE STRIKES BACK: Boy is abused by midget, kisses sister, attempts patricide.

STAR WARS: RETURN OF THE JEDI: Handicapped mass murderer kills septugenarian, is lauded.

TERMINATOR: An unplanned pregnancy leads to complications.

THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE UGLY: Nameless drifter kills American soldier over stolen money, hangs friend.

THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST: Mel Gibson fulfills fantasy of showing a Jew beaten to a bloody pulp and killed on-screen.

TITANIC: Crazy old widow disregards lifelong memories of husband, children, and grandchildren in favor of that one time she fucked a bum.

TOP GUN: Pilot routinely endangers Air Traffic Controllers.

WALL-E: Obsolete robot disrupts big business, disrupts lives of millions of innocent civilians.

WIZARD OF OZ: Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first person she meets and then teams up with three strangers to kill again.

THE SIXTH SENSE: Dead psychiatrist haunts child to come to terms with own mortality.

THE DARK KNIGHT: Rich man, clown, and lawyer attack Italians, Russians, and Chinese.

ROCKY: Lifelong loser loses on a bigger stage than usual.

USUAL SUSPECTS: Murderer denies guilt, is released.

THE SIXTH SENSE: Oh, I’m Dead.

INTO THE WILD: Young man gives up higher education to die alone in Alaska.

FORREST GUMP: Mentally handicapped man learns that doing everything everyone tells you to do will get you everywhere in life.

ETERNAL SUNSHINE OF THE SPOTLESS MIND: Brain damage brings lovers together.

SHAUN OF THE DEAD: Man stabilizes relationship at cost of many lives.

AMERICAN HISTORY X: Right-wing militant changes views after homosexual experience.

THE X-FILES: Competent, ambitious woman held back in her career advancement by male co-worker.

THE MATRIX: Computer geek quits his job to spend more time playing a superhero in an online game.

PRETTY WOMAN: Hooker becomes trophy wife.

DIE HARD: Reckless behavior of off-duty cop risks lives of entire office building. Unfortunately he keeps his badge.

CAPTAIN AMERICA: Performance-enhancing substance helps man reach full potential.

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: Pirates motivated by sense of freedom and adventure; rape, pillage, and murder secondary motivations.

THE FRESH PRINCE OF BEL AIR: Black butler learns what America’s ‘equality’ really entails.

BACK TO THE FUTURE: Son sets up Mother with her stalker.

XENA, WARRIOR PRINCESS: Endless road trip leads one member of lesbian duo to commit suicide.

THE LITTLE MERMAID: Nymphomaniac girl temporarily succeeds in mad quest to pry her legs apart.

I KNOW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER: Fisherman seriously injured, later killed by delinquents.

SCOOBY DOO: Drug user, dog, and accomplices on traveling campaign of random harassment.

SEX & THE CITY: Three hookers & their mom judge men superficially.

HAPPY GILMORE: Nation warms to violent golfer.

BATMAN BEGINS: Cinematographer forgets to light set. Audience fails to notice.

SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION: Convicted murderer drives prison warden to suicide and steals life savings.

THE NEGOTIATOR: Man being framed for a crime believes that laws regarding kidnapping, extortion and destruction of property don’t apply to him.

CASINO ROYALE: Compulsive gambler is exploited for gain by the British government, then pursued and murdered over his gambling debts.

THE ITALIAN JOB: Mini Copper commercial.

SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE: Woman leaves wealthy partner for man about to become even wealthier.

50 FIRST DATES: Woman is cruelly reminded of tragic past by sadistic family on a daily basis.

BEETHOVEN: Dog complies with stereotype.

LASSIE: Dog complies with stereotype.

HE-MAN: Half naked man beats up a corpse.

HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER: Narcissist boasts to children about past sexual conquests.

WORLD OF WARCRAFT: Characters commit hate crimes against people of other races, are rewarded for doing so.

I didn’t write these, just got them in a mail forward. Oh, and there are a few repeats in there.

Noel Gallagher – Fade Away

When I was young
I thought I had my own key
I knew exactly what I wanted to be
Now I’m sure
You’ve boarded up every door

Lived in a bubble
Days were never ending
Was not concerned
About what life was sending
Fantasy was real
Now I know much
About the way I feel

I’ll paint you the picture
‘Cause I don’t think you live round here no more
I’ve never even seen
The key to the door
We only get what we will settle for

While we’re living
The dreams we have as children
Fade away
While we’re living
The dreams we have as children
Fade away
While we’re living
The dreams we have as children
Fade away, away, away
They fade away, away, away

Now my life has turned
Another corner
I think it’s only best
That I should warn you
Dream it while you can
Maybe someday I’ll make you understand

I’ll paint you the picture
‘Cause I don’t think you live round here no more
I’ve never even seen
The key to the door
We only get what we will settle for

While we’re living
The dreams we have as children
Fade away
While we’re living
The dreams we have as children
Fade away
While we’re living
The dreams we have as children
Fade away
They fade away, away, away
Fade away, away, away

Please Say Something

Thanks to Sonya for such a cool find.

David OReilly
Ireland / 2008 / 10′00

Set in the distant future, this is the story of a troubled relationship between an abusive Mouse and his wife, an intensely emotional cat.

Winner of the Golden Bear for best short film at the 59th Berlin International Film Festival”
http://www.davidoreilly.com/

My Father.

On February 17th, 2009, my father, Sajjad Ahmad Siddiqui, passed away.

Although it was an inevitable fact of life, and I knew it was going to happen, I was not prepared. Though the sense of loss is the greatest emotion I am feeling these days, the fact that I didn’t have a chance to speak to him on his last day bothers me the most.

My uncle called me the other day, told me, “What can we do son, this is how the world turns.” And it is true, people are born, people die. But, had I known that something what wrong, or would go wrong, perhaps I would have taken time out and spent it with my father.

Of course, I still hear his voice. I can feel his hands in mine, the hands that I shook everyday when I came back home. I would ask how he was feeling, and he’d always say fine. That’s another thing. Minutes after he died, feeling completely numb, I had to answer doctors who were asking me how he was feeling that day.

I couldn’t answer them, because I didn’t know. They then asked me if his family had history of heart condition. All of this was happening whilst my father lay in a hospital bed behind me. I was brimming with emotion. But looking back now, I sounded more detached from reality than calm.

Actually, I was feeling something what my father had told me some years ago. When my mother’s accident happened, my father told me that when he brought her to the hospital and the doctors had taken her away, he drowned in helplessness. That hospital was Mid East, and if any of you remember the hospital had large windows which overlooked the road to Clifton starting from Do Talwar (The Two Swords roundabout). He said he looked out the window and he could see the cars on the streets, driving by. The world was as it was.

And there, at the hospital where my father died, I too saw a street and cars driving by. Across and surrounding my father’s hospital bed, there were patients on the edge of life and death. And yet, the world was as it was.

I — along with a friend of mine — took my father’s body to the Edhi Centre for storage that night. We didn’t speak much, but it was good having someone there. At the morgue, I fought off the strong desire to curl up with my father for the night, one last time.

The person there took me into the deep storage and prompted me to rememeber where my father was being kept. The deep storage was filled with other people. I caught sight of a small coffin. An old man. A woman. There were so many. I said goodbye and told him I’d be back in the morning. The person at the morgue thought I was talking to him.

Getting back home, everything seems normal, but it doesn’t. For one, I have not seen so many shoes outside my home–ever. People come in and take their shoes off. We’ve had visitors over but this took the cake, I couldn’t even step inside.

Over the course of days,  I have been told a lot of things. How patience is the key. How moving on with your normal life helps. I agree, most of them do. But for some of us, things are not so easy. My mother although doesn’t say it, she misses him more than any of us–myself, my brother or my sister.

It is only natural. If someone who has never left your side for almost forty years suddenly leaves, devastated is what comes to mind at what they might be feeling.

My father was buried on the 18th of February, 2009. He was 68 years old. His friends, my friends, my brother’s friends all came to the funeral. My mamoo (uncle) claimed it was auspicious.

Me and my brother laid our father down to rest. It was the last time I would see him. I took my time and made sure I would remember the sight. My father, resting forever. He looked like he was asleep.

Rest in peace, Dad.

Sajjad Ahmad Siddiqi (May 1st, 1941 – February 17th, 2009)

Our prime minister — their prime minister…

I got this email from a friend. It’s quite true, funny and scary.

Here is a comparison of the CV’s of the heads of states of two neighboring countries that achieved independence together.

Chief Executive of India
Title: Prime Minister
Name: Dr Manmohan Singh

EDUCATION /Qualification:
1950: Stood first in BA (Hons), Economics, Panjab University, Chandigarh ,
1952; Stood first in MA (Economics), Panjab University , Chandigarh,
1954; Wright’s Prize for distinguished performance at St John’s College,Cambridge,
1955 and 1957; Wrenbury scholar, University of Cambridge ,
1957; DPhil (Oxford), DLitt (Honoris Causa); PhD thesis on India’s export competitiveness

Working Experience [Teaching]
Professor (Senior lecturer, Economics, 1957-59;
Reader, Economics, 1959-63;
Professor, Economics, Panjab University, Chandigarh, 1963-65;
Professor, International Trade, Delhi School of Economics,Universit y of Delhi, 1969-71;
Honorary professor, Jawaharlal Nehru University,New Delhi, 1976 and Delhi School of Economics, University of Delhi,1996 and Civil Servant

Working Experience [INTERNATIONAL ASSIGNMENTS] :
1966: Economic Affairs Officer
1966-69: Chief, financing for trade section, UNCTAD
1972-74: Deputy for India in IMF Committee of Twenty on International Monetary Reform
1977-79: Indian delegation to Aid-India Consortium Meetings
1980-82: Indo-Soviet joint planning group meeting
1982: Indo-Soviet monitoring group meeting
1993: Commonwealth Heads of Government Meeting Cyprus 1993: Human Rights World Conference, Vienna
Working Experience [Government Positions]:
1971-72: Economic advisor, ministry of foreign trade
1972-76: Chief economic advisor, ministry of finance
1976-80: – Director, Reserve Bank of India; Director, Industrial Development Bank of India;
– Alternate governor for India , Board of governors , Asian Development Bank;
– Alternate governor for India, Board of governors, IBRD
– November 1976 – April 1980: Secretary, ministry of finance (Department of economic affairs);
– Member, finance, Atomic Energy Commission ; Member,finance, Space Commission
April 1980 – September 15, 1982: Member-secretary, Planning Commission
1980-83: Chairman, India Committee of the Indo-Japan joint study committee
September 16, 1982 – January 14 , 1985: Governor, Reserve Bank of India.
1982-85: Alternate Governor for India, Board of governors, International Monetary Fund
1983-84: Member, economic advisory council to the Prime Minister
1985: President, Indian Economic Association
January 15 , 1985 – July 31, 1987: Deputy Chairman, Planning Commission
August 1, 1987 – November 10, 1990: Secretary-general and commissioner, south commission, Geneva
December 10 , 1990 – March 14, 1991: Advisor to the Prime Minister on economic affairs
March 15, 1991 – June 20, 1991: Chairman, UGC
June 21, 1991 – May 15, 1996: Union finance minister
October 1991: Elected to Rajya Sabha from Assam on Congress ticket
June 1995: Re-elected to Rajya Sabha
1996 onwards: Member, Consultative Committee for the ministry of finance
August 1, 1996 – December 4 , 1997: Chairman, Parliamentary standing committee on commerce
March 21, 1998 onwards: Leader of the Opposition, Rajya Sabha
June 5, 1998 onwards: Member, committee on finance
August 13, 1998 onwards: Member, committee on rules
Aug 1998-2001: Member, committee of privileges 2000 onwards: Member,
executive committee, Indian parliamentary group
June 2001: Re-elected to Rajya Sabha
Aug 2001 onwards: Member, general purposes committee
2004: Prime Minister of India

BOOKS:
India’s Export Trends and Prospects for Self-Sustained Growth -Clarendon Press, Oxford University, 1964;
also published a large number of articles in various economic journals .

ACCOMPLISHMENTS:
Adam Smith Prize , University of Cambridge, 1956
Padma Vibhushan , 1987
Euro money Award, Finance Minister of the Year, 1993;
Asia money Award, Finance Minister of the Year for Asia , 1993 and 1994

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Chief Executive of Pakistan
Title: President of Pakistan
Name: Asif Ali Zardari

EDUCATION /Qualification:
High School from Cadet College Petaro
Details of higher formal education not known; Claims graduation from London but not available to be verified. As per some account. His official biography says he attended a commercial college called Pedinton School. But a search of tertiary educational institutions in London showed no such school.

Working Experience:
Early days: Working at the family owned Bambino Cinema at Karachi. Some accuse Mr Zardari of small-time ticket frauds to steal money from the family business.
Up till 1987 (marriage to the future Prime Minister, Benazir Bhutto): No record.
1988 to date: While no official record of any business exists, Mr Zardari is widely believed to be one of the (if not the) richest man in Pakistan. An unofficial list of family owned businesses, property and accounts exists but the completeness of the same cannot be verified. Mr Zardari has however been involved in various national and international cases relating to his businesses. The most significant European cases are a Swiss money-laundering inquiry and a British civil cases.

Working Experience [Politics]:
1988-1990: Husband of the Prime Minister
1993–1996: Minister of Environment during his wife’s second term as the Prime Minister
Un till 1999: Senator
30 December 2007: Appointed himself as the co-chairman of the PPP, along with his son Bilawal Bhutto Zardari
September 9, 2008: Zardari was elected president of Pakistan. Sworn in by Abdul Hameed Dogar, whose position as the Chiefe Justice of Pakistan remains a contested issue by an overwhelming majority of the Pakistani legal fraternity.

Working Experience [Other]:
Other experience of Mr Zardari includes his widely believed but not proven involvement in
- Several murders – most famously of his brother in law, possibly his wife
- Wrapping  a bomb to the leg of a famous UK businessman to ask for money
- Embezzlement & looting of Billions of Pakistan’s wealth

BOOKS:
None on record

ACCOMPLISHMENTS:
Marrying the then future and now ex (RIP) Prime Minister of Pakistan
Only serving politician to have spent 10 years in Jail
Told the US VP Candidate that she is “gorgeous” and said : “Now I know why the whole of America is crazy about you”. When the photographers asked the two to keep shaking hands, he replied : ” If he insists, I might hug you”. This was one day after the President delivered an emotional speech at the UN in new York waiving a photograph of his deceased wife only months after the murder of his wife.